Thursday, August 18, 2011

To a beautiful girl, who just didn't believe it

A long time friend of mine took her life last week. I had not been close with her over the last couple of years due to life changes, and career changes and several moves to different countries...Lots of reasons.
I always loved her, and was always inspired by how hard she worked and how positive she was whenever I spoke with her. She, like me was a singer in a band, and she was one of the ones who never drank too much, always showed up on time, never lost a gig AND always managed to have a decent vehicle every time I saw her. She was very funny, very generous and EXTREMELY patient as she always had to deal with the rest of us who, probably drank too much, were often late or confused as to where the gigs were, and most of the time did NOT have a good running vehicle, or any vehicle for that fact.
The 2nd to last time I confided in her, it was both of us going through a break up...Both talking about how we needed change, and/ or wanted a family, wanted to make more money, wanted to move ahead...We both did move on our separate ways...She worked for the last 7 years in a fabulous band...Toured constantly, often when the rest of us were sniffing around for gigs...She worked very hard,  learned lots of songs, played  a lot of guitar, inspired tonnes of kids, made thousands of people happy and forgetful of their own problems for a couple of hours while Kimmy sang them their favourite songs.
The last time I spoke with her, was at a wonderful dinner of other local Vancouver singers...There were about 7 of us all there with kids, wine, food and STORIES...Tonnes of stories...I will never forget that night. My daughter Hannah was only 8 months old or so, and she wasn't sleeping very well. Kimmy tried to help me get Hannah to sleep, and when both of us failed, she gave me a hug and told me to drink more!
I didn't know how lonely she was. I didn't know how sad she must have been or how frustrated she felt. I wish I had. I don't know if I  could have done anything to help, but maybe I could have made her laugh, and sometimes when a friend makes you laugh, just when you think you can not take it any longer, something inside shifts and for just a second things don't seem so bad anymore...Maybe that second allows you to sleep on it for another night and if you are lucky, MAYBE you can feel better the next morning...
Kimmy, I will be with you on Saturday to sit amongst your friends and family and I will think of all the beauty you brought into this world.
I hope you can rest, and I hope you are not hurting inside any longer...I hope you can visit everyone you need to, tell them you are ok, and move on to where ever your next gig is.

Love Cam xx

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