Wednesday, May 7, 2014

My new Militia

Playdates, Girl-talk, Excessive Caffine Intake (E.C.I) and Toddler Patrolling...-
THIS is my new military...It's similar in some ways, maybe very small ways, but 'ways' nonetheless.
I wake up, throw on my camouflage fatigues ('yoga- clothing')- no time for a shower...I am met with the reproachful gaze of a child who is not yet ready to awaken...Luckily it is only 0600hrs, I will meet this gaze again over the next 45 minutes...
I find yesterday's coffee and heat it up over flames (gas stove- in this case, but you can stretch your imagination) for the umpteenth time. I WILL DRINK IT...Dammmmit....

I listen for the enemy, (grumpy toddler girl, already stirring with grievances about the way in which her pasta was mixed with some foreign green object last night...toddler nightmares)
In a proactive measure, I leap upstairs. Thank GOD for my assorted LuLu Lemon wear from Vancouver...No time for YOGA!
With a fistful of 'low sugar, 20% MORE real fruit juice', boxed-liquids (difficult to find, but one of the best early morning weapons to have on hand)I intend to bribe her into getting into this wool school uniform...Not quite the parenting method I so aspired for when I was 25 and knew everything...
I am older now, know nothing and have lowered my standards to a level which ALLOW me to have peace with the fact that if I can get this warrior-child successfully dressed and fed and at her school roughly on time, with MOST of her homework done, then my mission for 1/3rd of the day is complete.I can excuse the fact that I have only managed to brush her hair twice without tears and struggle and that I don't get her in the bath every night, and sometimes she only brushes her teeth with cold water. I am safe in the knowledge that she has made it to school, and I can go back to base camp and eat my cold rations. (leftover breakfast from the child-warriors, hidden in different places of the playroom as booby traps)
Once successfully on target with the warrior-girl-toddler child, I perk my ears up for the familiar moans and groans of her younger sibling.Even though this one is still in a cage, (crib) he is armed (dirty nappies with no fear of where they land), loud (vocal chords for screaming that put most Heavy Metal performers to shame) and dangerous (takes to throwing wooden play toys as a display of affection and happiness)
Luckily my camouflaged fatigues(LuLu Lemons YO) cover a world of sins...Some of which are the attempts of these warrior children to ward me off mission by throwing the sustenance they are meant to consume, at me in an attempt to make me go back to bed and let them watch TV...Some of the other sins, are more physical, like...ummm, my body, which has never fully recovered from the attempt of pushing these warriors out with calmness and poise...POISE...HA.

I am a tough soldier, like these warrior children...SO we continue.

Myself and the other Chiefs plan the mission for the day- Over FaceBook, of course!
Once the prisoners (our lovely children) come back to base camp (home)- The other NCOs and I 'pow wow' on activities aimed to tire the captured warriors, in hopes of making them more docile and easier to handle,feed,bathe and put back to sleep...So as to fit in with the civilians we call this a 'PLAYDATE'
Disguised as a bunch of desperate housewives, lounging in LuLu Lemon wear and consuming vast amounts of coffee, we High ranking Chiefs go about this playdate with purpose...TIRE The enemy.
Some days we succeed, other days, our flag is captured and we return to base and admit defeat.
Often our missions are aborted as we the high ranking Chiefs, P.O.'s and W.O.'s occasionally get beat by our younger, craftier, cuter opponents...These soldiers disguised as cute toddlers run us down, dirty our LuLu Lemon Wear, make us repeat things slowly in a high pitched voices, and put plastic toy soldiers into our coffee cups...There has been a well documented occasion (You would need TOP SECRET security clearance) where one of us did not know about the 'toy-soldier-in-coffee-cup' trick, and to the dismay of the other adults around, continued drinking the coffee and firing commands like it was no one's business...Did not end well as you can imagine.
To all of my fellow Chiefs, who have started low in the ranks and have climbed their way to the top...Thank you for your friendship, tears, laughter and blank looks when I completely lose it in public, or repeat the stories of a time when I really could drink a lot of tequila, with little ill effect.
Like the military, you are nothing with out your compadres, your fellow troops, your ranking men, your Peeps....Whatever you call it, you can't fight a battle alone!

Guess you can tell I had a rough time getting my 4.5 year old to bed

On a musical note, since this is a blog about stuff I am doing musically, I have a LOT of gigs coming up: Please take a look at my GIGS page to see if I am coming near you!!

I have just hired a 'MENTOR'- or 'cheerleader' or even a 'musical coach' if you may. This person is helping me set goals, and follow through with them...What a BREATHE of fresh air it has already been to me...You may be able to empathize when I say it's a bit 'scattered' being
Please check out this blog if you have a minute...Thank -You Adrienne Pierce for ALL of your inspiration!

Love you all,
Love me back.
Camille xx

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